How does your year run?

Does your year run January to December?  Do you run on the same fiscal year as your company? 

I haven't ever given this any kind of thought (because obviously my calendar runs Jan-Dec ...so of course I do as well).  Except I don't.

I just figured out my year runs along side the school year.  Which means tomorrow is my first day of the new year.  I could make my goals for the fall and get a jump start on them before the craziness of the holidays. 

This is especially helpful when you are working on your eating habits because right now there is some time when you aren't exhausted from the holiday hustle and bustle and the pace of life might just be a little bit slower.  You've gotten your vacations out of the way, summer parties are done, kids are out of the house and back to school.

Perhaps now is the right time to tackle those new year behaviors.  A clean slate starting tomorrow.

Brooke Castillo's Conversation

Are you this client?

Overeating

Brooke: What would your life be like if you could only eat when you're hungry?

Client: Horrible. That would suck.

Brooke: Why?

Client: Because when it tastes so good it makes me happy.

Brooke: So, overeating makes you happy?

Client: Yeah. Sometimes.

Brooke: How do you know you are happy when you are overeating?

Client: What do you mean?

Brooke: Are you smiling? Laughing? Feeling joyous inside your body?

Client: Um. No. Actually I think I'm feeling guilty.

Brooke: While you are overeating?

Client: Yeah.

Brooke: So overeating makes you feel guilty? Not happy?

Client: Right. So I guess happy isn't the right word. It comforts me.

Brooke: Overeating comforts you?

Client: Yes. Like when I am out to dinner with friends. Or after a long day of work.

Brooke: So what is comforting about it? Is it physically comfortable when you overeat?

Client: No, not physically. It is actually physically uncomfortable. Emotionally it is comforting.
Brooke: How does overeating emotionally comfort you? How do you know you are comforted?

Client: Well, it feels better than trying not to eat it. Let me put it that way.

Brooke: Ok. So it feels bad not to overeat and it also feels bad to overeat? Is that what you are saying?

Client: It feels bad after I overeat. During it feels good. It tastes good.

Brooke: So when you overeat food that tastes good, you feel good?

Client: Hmmmm. Well I guess not. No. I feel physically uncomfortable, guilty, and kinda anxious while I am doing it-not just after.

Brooke: So, what I hear you saying is that to avoid feeling bad, you eat and feel bad.

Client: (Laughing) Oh my God. Totally!

Brooke: Being unhappy when you aren't eating, doesn't mean you will be happy when you are eating.

Client: Seriously. You're Right! I have been telling myself that the reason I am unhappy is because I can't eat all of it-but that is not true. Because I am unhappy when I do eat all of it!! I am unhappy either way!

Brooke: So maybe overeating isn't the solution. Maybe doing something that feels bad is not the solution to not feeling bad.

Client: But I can't help it.

Brooke: But maybe the reason you haven't been able to help it is because you have been believing the lie that overeating makes you feel good. And when I ask you to give up overeating, you are telling yourself that you will have to feel bad and give up feeling good. But really, you aren't giving up feeling good. Overeating doesn't really feel good to you. In fact, you know that if you start off feeling unhappy and you add extra food and weight to your body, you will feel worse.

Increasing the problem to relieve your feelings about the problem doesn't make much sense, right?

Client: Wait a minute. So what you are saying is that the reason I overeat is because I have been telling myself it feels better than not overeating? AND THAT HAS BEEN A LIE?? I can see it's a lie now, but seriously, how could I not see that before?

Brooke: You weren't looking for it. You were overeating instead. Overeating pulls you away from yourself. It is the opposite of awareness.

Client: So overeating, in the moment I am doing it, feels as bad as not overeating?! And the only reason I didn't know that is because I was lying to myself about it? I was not paying attention to the fact that I wasn't feeling good as I was doing it. I was telling myself that it felt good and made me happy to overeat? And that's why I couldn't stop myself?

Brooke: Yes.

What would your life be like if you could only eat when you were hungry?

The Gratitude Diet

A friend and client recently returned from a trip to Africa.  He was there on family business (so it wasn't a touristy, safari kind of trip)   As we talked about his trip, he inspired me to cultivate more gratitude in my life.

He said in the area he visited, a good many of the people were really happy with their standard of living -- but then added that their standard of living (that they are ecstatic about) is much much below ours (which some of us are pretty blase about).  Sure, we have it tough.  Many of us are still doing everything we can in tough economic times, just to stay in our home -- but our home is a 2800 sq. ft. house with a swimming pool and 3 car garage.  We've had to cut back and turn in our leased Lexus but we're still driving a new Impala.  Not exactly roughing it in the grand world scheme of things.

He continued to talk about his trip, the food, his hotel.  All of it made me think how much I take for granted in a day.  I turn on my tap and clean water comes out.  I might not like how it tastes -- or that it leaves a rust ring on my tub -- but I won't die from drinking it.

And what about the food I eat?  How much gratitude do I experience each day when I open up the fridge and look inside?  Sure, there are times when I am so hungry that I am truly real-time grateful for what I am eating -- but compared to the amount of eating I do -- what is that percentage of time???

And what if that is how I arranged my world?  What if I worked on only eating what I was grateful for?  How many doughnuts, Twix at 3 in the afternoon, sodas as big as my head, and that one last slice of pizza would I leave uneaten, if I stopped eating when I could no longer summon gratitude for the bite I was about to put in my mouth?

Much like most of us could live in a smaller house than we do and be just fine -- much like most of us could drive a less-nice car than we do and be just fine -- most of us could eat a great deal less food (putting us more in line with the volume much of the world eats) and be just fine .... if we wanted to and if we tried.

These things happen slowly....

You all know I work with people who are recovering from joint replacement...they come to my classes 3 or 6 months out of surgery with aches and pains and tight knee joints that just don't bend. Frustrated. They went through all this work and the their surgeon said they would be "good as new" in 8-12 weeks -- here it's been double that now and still no relief....

I sit and listen. Ask a few questions. And for the most part, you know what? They are right on their healing schedule!

A great many surgeons will tell their patients healing takes 6-12 weeks. Physical therapists will say longer -- maybe even 6 months.

It has been mine experience that a good many times, it takes 12-14 months for people to completely heal from a knee or hip surgery. It takes that long to get all the swelling out of the joint and getting it back to "normal". I can attest to this with my own knee surgery (ACL repair).

But most of the time, people are okay with the longer healing time once they understand it is going to take that long. They just thought it would be quicker (per the doc's assessment) and so they think something is wrong with them as the healing time drags on.

Lots of things (dare I say most things?) take longer than we want them to or think they should. Weight loss is like that -- always takes longer than it seems like it should.

But the weight when on slowly too, right? "No! It happened the night of my 29th/40th/ or50th birthday", you say -- but mostly your wrong. A pound or two here and a pound or two there. A couple bites extra at this meal and a couple secret snacks when you were in your car. They add up...slowly. And that is the way they are going to come off....slowly.

So I will be honest up front. Changing eating habits that have been ingrained over a lifetime is not a quick task. The weight will come off as you change your behaviors -- but slowly -- the same way you are changing your behaviors.

I am hoping that if you know that up front, you will be okay with it and understand that is the way these things work.

How do you want to feel?

When you get up from the table, what sensations do you want to feel? Can you put it into words?

It took me a while to develop a vocabulary to talk about my hunger/fullness sensations -- so if you don't have a good vocabulary quite yet, don't worry -- just give it some thought.

To get you started, I will describe my experiences. When I get up from the table, I want to feel light. I want to feel satisfied with the taste of my food (I have had enough flavor) but do not want to feel more than just the beginning sensations of anything sitting in my stomach.

I do not like the feeling of being full. I do not like feeling the waist of my pants tight (although with the style of pants right now -- they don't really have waists that get tight -- but I don't like that feeling of my stomach being physically bigger than I am used to). I do not like the sensation of feeling tired after I eat (happens because when a person has a lot of food needing to be digested, the blood flow gets diverted to the stomach and intestines to supply the working muscles and pick up the nutrients from digestion).

I like the feeling of know I could eat more but am choosing not to. I feel successful when I know I made a choice that fit me and I was listening to my body.

I ate a terrific meal yesterday. Food was fabulous. Company was lively and fun. Service was marvelous. I got to eat a wonderful salad and then a perfectly prepared entree. I enjoyed every bite. I have everything positive to say about the whole experience.

What I can tell you for sure is that I wouldn't have such a glowing memory of lunch yesterday had I eaten more than I did. Even though the food was delicious, had I eaten more than I did, I wouldn't have felt successful in my eating and that would have colored the whole experience in a less positive light.

So here is the thought I have for you today -- enjoy everything and leave wanting more (more of the taste of the food, more of the company, more of the whole experience) knowing that you can have it again -- you don't have to get it all right now. If you can do that (pace your eating) you will feel more positive about the whole experience. As that happens, it will motivate you to eat less and enjoy what you do eat more. Positive experience begetting positive experience. And soon, it will be second nature to eat less and enjoy more. Now there is a habit worth pursuing.

Mindsets and Behaviors

Behaviors:
Eating off a smaller plate
Eating low fat/carb/etc
setting your fork down between bites
Only eating breakfast lunch and dinner
Always eating breakfast
Drinking protein shakes for all but dinner


Mindsets:
You care enough about yourself to make some changes
Enjoying and paying attention to what you are eating
Learning to trust your body
Understanding and accepting that sometimes you will be more hungry than others
Learning the difference between "no" and "not right now"
Learning that there is a difference between "in charge" and "in control"
Learning that dessert after dinner is not an indulgence -- it is a choice that is open to you


Behaviors and mindsets work together. Having some "go to" behaviors when you are tired is helpful. A small plate and the habit of plating your food in the kitchen will serve you well.

Being kind with yourself during times of stress and tiredness help keep you on track with your weight loss plans -- without sending you over the edge.

Understanding that mindfulness 24/7 is not realistic but to keep seeking it at each time you eat is important.

Mindsets form the baskets of your behaviors -- mindsets dictate what you will see as possible. It makes good sense to expand your vision of what you can do -- because honestly, most of us don't give ourselves enough credit. Behaviors are how we exhibit our mindsets -- and sometimes behaviors are what we keep doing until the mindset we want to create has settled in (the whole "fake it 'til you feel it" idea.

If you give your mindsets and your behaviors some thought -- you might find you see more options to create mindfulness in your life than you thought.

*****As a side note: I talked to a man yesterday who told me he has lost 10 pounds a year for the last 5 years -- and he was really happy about that. I was really happy that he can see that as real and meaningful progress.*****