Tangled

photo credit: Bill Bradford

Today, I read a really insightful post by Chris Brogan.  It was entitled Untangled and it has a sister post (Take back your Strings) which got me thinking about the power we give other people.

It is other people's right to judge us.  We can't control it -- it's in our very nature to make judgment about others.  This is hardwired into us and allowed us, if we were good at it, to survive in the dangerous past.  Even in the modern area, books like The Gift of Fear and Blink point out the inherent value in the judgement skills we possess. 

Where the problem comes in isn't that people judge us  -- It's that we may give their judgment more weight than it deserves.

Think about that video from last week of the model getting ready for a shoot.  The final picture isn't of her -- the print that is actually published in the magazine isn't of a real person.  The real person was just the starting point for artist to improve upon.  So....how much importance should I put on someone saying I am not the right size because I do not look like the picture in the magazine?

When you consider that "person" isn't even real, maybe the fact that I'm not her shape or size isn't really that important.  Maybe I shouldn't get all tangled up in that judgement.  And if I do let myself get tangled up in it, it is a choice I have made to give it more power than it deserves.

Chris' suggestion from the post today was to look at our own tangles.  Where do we feel criticized?  How do we deal with these feelings?  And what do they motivate us to do in the future?

Many times people think they "should" lose weight and feel terrible about themselves because they can't summon the gumption to take the steps necessary to change the situation.  Upon closer reflection, some people find that they are okay with their weight and haven't summoned up the energy to change it because it is actually somebody else's tangled thought pattern that is trying to get them to make this change.

And other times, once people have the realization that the driver for their change is a tangled up thought, they can let that tangle go and find a genuine reason to change their behaviors that is more rewarding to fulfill.

If any of this sounds even remotely reasonable, I suggest you click on over to Chris' posts.  I didn't do them the justice they deserve -- and the subject matter is one we all deal with from time to time (or quite probably way more often than we would care to admit!)