Ebb and Flow

Okay -- the above is not my favorite phrase. A couple of years ago, I actually hated that phrase. It was spoken to me (again and again) by a dear friend with the best of intentions, talking above how one moves through life -- sometimes you are going with the current -- things are smooth -- you can do no wrong and then....sometime not. There is no groove to be found. Everything is hard and unrewarding and unsuccessful and fruitless. Sure...it is easy to love the phrase when you are in the flow. When you're in the ebb -- not so much, to say the least.

But here's the thing about ebb and flow: when you are in one stage -- the other is coming -- no avoiding it, that is how life works. The secret is to trust in the cycle -- a whole "this too shall pass" mentality. The goal being an average that ends up more in the flow than the ebb.

There are times when I fear winter. I HATE being cold. I like the snow. I like being outside. I like the beauty. But I really HATE being cold because it causes me pain.

Today, it was beautiful outside. So sunny that it was almost blinding. And after multiple days of it being darned cold, today was only reasonably cold -- so all things considered, not bad at all temperature wise.

Besides being cold, the other thing I HATE about the winter is the dark. The short days of winter, going to work in the dark and coming home in the dark, get to me. But today was not one of those days. Today there was so much sun I didn't know what to do with myself first. So, today, I opted for a run...outside...in the winter...crazy!

IT WAS BEAUTIFUL!!

And the best thing about it was I could smell spring. Okay -- it isn't even Ground Hog's Day. And I don't know where you are from but I know where I live, we have plenty of winter left. But it smelled like spring was coming. AND I know it will. You know why?? Because the weather has gotten warmer and the days have gotten longer every spring I have been alive. Ebb and flow. Sometimes it is dark and cold and then the days get longer and the weather warmer.

I sit here tonight and am just tired! (no...not from the run...it wasn't that long) I don't know why I am tired. I went to bed pretty early all weekend. I relaxed this weekend. I got things done this weekend -- pretty balanced weekend. But here I am tired. Guess what? Tonight I am tired (did I mention it is still early in the evening?) and maybe tomorrow I will be tired too but eventually I won't be tired at this time of the evening -- I will be full of energy and ready to do something really fun -- Ebb and Flow.

Sometimes I can crank out posts to you guys like there is no tomorrow -- the words and ideas fly out of my fingers and on to the screen. And sometimes there isn't an idea to be had -- not one -- and it is like pullin' teeth to come up with something to say to get you thinkin'. Ebb and Flow.

How many times have I written a post telling y'all how starving I was -- how I thought I was just going to die before I got something to eat?? And there is always the other side of it for me -- the one that drives my friends crazy -- when I have no appetite and don't really want to eat. Ebb and Flow. Sure, you've also heard me tell you I have gotten to the freak out stage where I scare myself to death about how hungry I am and how (in my head) I think I am going to gain a 1000 pounds if I keep eating like I am eating right then. But it doesn't happen because right about then whatever was going on to make me sooooo hungry turns off and I am less hungry than normal for a while and things even out. Ebb and Flow.

The thing that makes ebb and flow survivable is understanding that this isn't the one time where it isn't going to work. Every winter, I need to have faith that spring will return. Every time I am discouraged because I am unreasonably tired (and I shouldn't be!!!), I need to have faith that for some reason, my body is calling for more sleep and I will feel well rested and full of energy again. When I have greater physical hunger, I need to stop my freaking out and have faith that there is nothing wrong with me. My hunger signals will diminish when my body has enough calories.

And at some point in the future, the world will be cold and dark again. I will be tired again (for no reason!!), my hunger will be seemingly unstoppable again. Ebb and Flow.

And the more I try to deny that I hate being cold, I am tired, that I am insanely, physically hungry -- the more I will slow myself down. I will waste energy fighting against something I cannot change -- the Earth's rotations, my fatigue, my body's need for energy. I will fight. I will get frustrated (with myself, with the world, with the people who seemingly don't have to fight as hard as I do...) until I realize that I don't have to fight either.

My job is to understand what it going on. See and acknowledge the patterns of ebb and flow. Learn how to work with the world (and my body). And appreciate what each state can teach me.

Easier said than done. But so worth it if you can get there -- at least during the flow -- it is so much harder to remember during the ebb.