Last week I went to see a friend who'd recently lost some weight. The person I was
with saw our friend's smoking new body and said, "Wow! How'd you do it - it never
works for me." I pinched her and thought, "Oof. It's not about you." But then I thought
"Why hasn't it worked for you?"
I'm guilty of the same stinking thinking: No matter how hard I tried, for almost ten
years of my life, eating healthy just didn't seem manageable for me. I'd drive
myself demented trying to be consistent, but it still came and went just as a phase.
I'd work out, but didn't get the results I really wanted. "What gives?!" I thought. "I'm
doing everything but nothing seems to be working." And this thought process
would have continued had it not been for, ironically, a piece of cake.
Last year I was at the office when one day someone brought in the ultimate chocolate
cake - fudgy, gooey, firm. I was over the moon. I love sweets and this was the jackpot,
but dessert was also my biggest nemesis. So as it often happened, when this cake
from God's Bakery arrived, I was in my "only eating healthy" phase.
What's a gal to do?
A little indignant, I ate not only one but two pieces. I didn't want to deny my body
what it naturally craved, right? Meanwhile, a colleague typed away but looked at me
and smiled. I barely registered. Was she enjoying it too? Did she have a slice?
Whatever, I didn't care. I had cake.
I went home after work and caught up on my blogs, one written by the same friend I
worked with. As I read the day's post, the details of a particular scene she described
sounded all too familiar - cake, colleagues, healthy eating efforts. My eyes scanned
wildly and I saw that she had relayed my cake escapade to extrapolate a universal
lesson on decision making from it! She used the blunder to show the consequences
of poor decision making; that if you caved when it really mattered, could you ever
really expect to change? She illustrated how a crazy person did the same thing over
and over again but expected different results, and supported it with my cake eating!
I was mortified. To see my actions in the light of day, not to mention on her blog, was
embarrassing! Plus didn't she realize that I also read her blog?
I kept reading. She said how important it was to redefine our behaviors during the
moments that felt okay to cheat or give up on, but which really mattered if we wanted
to see results; That despite our hard work, our efforts didn't matter if in a moment
where cake stared us in the face, cake won. She knew how badly I wanted to remain
healthy, not just have a health "phase," so she emphasized that results meant
changing habitual patterns in the right moments, moments that really challenged us,
like in the office that day. As I kept reading, I still felt disbelief, but started to see why
she had written the post, the lesson that was actually behind it.
I realized that all the Tim Ferriss exercises in the world wouldn't matter if every chance
I got, I chose that piece of chocolate cake. Would anything pay off if the one thing I
consistently did was let bad habits get in my way of progress? Would I fall into the same
trap that had me stuck for years? It was effective to see my behavior reflected through
the lens of an honest friend. Right there and then my guilt turned into awareness and
I saw her point. I saw how I deluded myself to think "it never worked for me" when in
fact, it did. It 100% worked. I just stopped myself from seeing it. My body responded
wonderfully well when I ate healthy, danced, remained active, and controlled my stress.
My challenge was to recognize that the pivotal moments, the space I thought didn't
matter, was where I actually got the results I wanted. It was that moment that changed
I've stopped saying "It doesn't work for me" now. Instead, if I want to indulge, I indulge.
The big difference is that I know the pumpkin pie contributes to the bottom line just as
much as the spinach does, and I don't delude myself into thinking it doesn't. That
nuance makes all the difference. The universal lesson I take from this is that sometimes,
you just can't have your cake and eat it too.
****if you haven't been to fear.less -- I highly recommend the trip! Somehow, stories of others dealing with their fears tend to make us feel less alone (and consequently, less afraid.)